I’ve noticed that gas prices have gone down some but I wonder if they’ll ever get down below two bucks a gallon again.

During these difficult times I’m reminded (strangely) of the more simple times in my life … the good old times, as some would say … I remember when you could buy a Coke for a dime. I remember when cigarettes were 55¢ a pack … not that I smoked back then … I remember when we all thought it was a tragic that gas shot up over two dollars.

Times they have changed. I feel pretty blessed to have lived and grown up in that simpler time. I just miss it so from time to time.

I’ll be glad when things get back to normal again … whatever that is. As if normal had some sort of meaning.

I understand that my focus should be on McCain & Obama and it is, but Sara Palin has slammed into this political arena like nothing I’ve ever seen before. She has demonstrated great strength & grace. Her values are those that I myself hold dear. If I were a betting woman, I’d bet there are more of us out there than anyone would imagine. We are not all “women’s libbers” and she has shown that you don’t have to be to achieve the goals you set your mind to.

Anyway, I like her. I like McCain. Heck, I even like some of what Obama says. It’s confusing to say the least and how many presidents have actually done what they promise to do when they’re campaigning. Change needs to happen, not just with the president, but all over.

We are living in scary times. I wonder what it will be like 50 years from now.

Rachel and I went to get gas for the gas can early Thursday evening. Joe was fixing to mow the yard. Traffic was awful and all the gas stations were crammed with vehicles trying to get gas. We didn’t know what was going on. Soon we found out that gas was supposed to go up to $5/gal by the next day and everyone was rushing to fill up their tanks. (I am assuming this was due to hurricane Ike).

Cleve was out-of-town, couldn’t find Jerriod, and Cathy was at a Business After Hours. Joanne called and asked if I could go take pictures. She didn’t have her camera. So Rachel and I played photographer. Got some good shots but it was crazy!!

Hopefully, things will settle down and get back to normal (whatever THAT is) soon.

Anyway, it was a great time and Betty did a wonderful job of “putting on the party” … as usual.

Nothing spectacular happened and there were no bad emotions about turning 50 like everyone said there would be. Betty made me a cake at work and another friend filled my office with black balloons. Cleve gave me flowers and the new Eagles CD, which is awesome, and he’s taking me to Charleston this Saturday to celebrate.

When I look at turning a half a century old, I feel blessed to have even made it this long because you never know what’s around the next corner. Every day that I can wake up, breathe, walk, love, go to work, talk and feel, is a great day.

I’m blessed to have my health, my wonderful husband and a loving family and friends.

Fifty was great! Now I think I’ll go curl up with my book and go to bed. Tomorrow I’ll be 50 and a day. Imagine that….

Rachel loaned me the first book about three years ago and I just did NOT want to read it. So I didn’t. Then, when she and Joe moved here, they would tell me things about the books and the story and how good it was so, eventually, I conceded to at least give it a shot.

What a pleasant surprise! I found myself getting sucked into the fairy tale like story with the very first book. I am now on book six. I have one more after this and I have to say, I’m a little disappointed that it’s going to end.

It’s the type of story you can get lost in and reacquaint yourself with the child inside you that somehow gets buried as you grow older. As the books progress it’s obvious that they’re not just children’s books. It’s a very smart and complex story of a young wizard, his trials and adventures with his friends and foes, as he tries to figure out what his purpose in life is.

J.K Rowlings is brilliant! I hope she continues to write.

My friend, Barbara, passed away last summer. My brother has gone through ups and downs. Joe and Rachel got married in October and moved here which is very nice. I’ve never lived around either of my boys before and I have to say, I’m loving it. Joe started his landscaping business this past January and that’s starting to pick up a lot. Spencer & Orie are doing good. Spencer got a promotion and is plugging away at his schooling … doing quite well with it. He’s gotten into shape and has lost a bunch of weight and looks and feels great. Skye is growing up too quickly. She’s beautiful and gets more and more that way every time we see her on the web cam. They have one year left in England. We had planned to go see them while they were there but haven’t yet. We may have to wait until they move.

Our (newspaper office) first year in our new digs was great! We have some new people and have lost some. Cleve has been and is extremely involved in things around the county. I, on the other hand, tend to keep to my computer work and work at the office.

It’s been a good few months with just a few bumps.

I can only describe my visit as bittersweet.

It was so good to be around family again but while I was there, my emotions were all over the charts.

I actually held myself together pretty well until Thursday evening when Fred, Paula and Laura, and Missy came to supper. After they all left, I lost it. To see my brother in this weakened state hurts my heart and although we got a good visit in going back and forth to ACRC (American Cancer Research Center) and then again at Mama’s, I found myself tearing up frequently. You know the feeling … when your throat constricts to the point that you can’t talk.

I’m glad I went and plan to go back more often. I helped Mama around the house with a few things and we talked about a lot of stuff … Daddy, her health, Fred, Missy and Mark and other family members. She got me caught up in my family history book and I found myself wondering what in the world will we do when she’s gone.

She gets around pretty good but is in pain most of the time because of her back and Lord help us … she’s still driving at age 84!!!

It was truly a blessing to be able to spend time with her.

I also said goodbye to an old friend while I was there. She’s in the last stages of cancer and I know I’ll never see her again although we talk on the phone a lot. We were stationed together with our spouses at the Panama Canal Zone 27 years ago. There were lots of tears when I left (mostly from me). I found it odd that she was the one who ended up comforting me. How strange. She knows exactly where she’s going and is not fearful in the least.

Cancer is a nasty, disgusting disease that consumes the body and leaves nothing in the way of dignity or peace. it ravages not only the body but the spirit and soul as well. It plays no favorites. It can invade anyone at anytime.

I don’t know how I’m going to leave this world but if God sees fit for me to go by way of cancer, I only hope that I will weather the storm as courageously and gracefully as the two victims I left behind this past week … my brother and my friend.

Never in a million years would I have every thought that one of my siblings would end up with cancer or that my mom would ever slow down. Life comes at you fast. I think the older I get, the faster it comes.

I’ve lost a lot of loved ones to the dreaded disease but it seems that only now, in the place I am in my life (both spiritually and emotionally), do I understand the overall complexity and harshness of it all and am able to accept it.

God bless the sick and the dying … give them peace and comfort.

This weekend I poured over some InDesign tutorials and I have to say, I’m excited about switching over. We’ve always been hard core Quark fanatics but they’ve gotten so expensive and full of themselves that we figured this summer would be a good time to make the change. After all, we have all the apps, all we have to do is use them.

My first attempt was to redo our classified section. I have to say, I’m loving me some InDesign! Not only was it easy to do but it just looks better. It reminds me of a cross between Quark and Photoshop. Anyway, everything with that went off without a hitch so, hopefully, come July or so, we’ll be able to switch everyone else over.

I know we’re a bit behind the times in switching but better late than never and I can not see us spending any more money on a Quark upgrade.

We don’t have CS3 yet but I feel sure that once everyone learns CS2, we’ll be upgrading.

We also have new faces at our office. Brian left this past week to take a job up north with a daily paper and one of our ad reps is leaving June 8th to work in an attorney’s office out of town. She’s actually moving. We’ll have a new reporter starting in two weeks and from what Cathy says, he’s fabulous! Plus our new ad rep started today. There will also be a new face in my department just as soon as i can find a talented graphics artist to take Analisa’s place. She just graduated high school and will be going off to college in August.

Lots of changes going on at the ole work place but they’re changes for the good and that’s always a blessing.

I like it when things go smoothly as I’m sure is the sentiment of most people out there. Something as simple as packing up some wine, cheese and crackers and going for a drive tickles me.

I guess I’m getting old. Well, no. I KNOW I am. So be it. Life catches up to us in our middle age bliss and forces us to realize just how precious our youth was. It’s a shame we didn’t appreciate it at the time. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be born with the knowledge and understanding of how our bodies would be changing over the years … and our minds. Maybe then, we would take more care, listen more closely and love life more passionately. Back then, it seems we were running here and there, chasing kids, seeking one thrill or another and I don’t remember appreciating it. Maybe it’s just a right of passage. The way it’s supposed to be.

I was just sitting here thinking about how we’ve slowed down. How content we are in what we do, where we are and where we’re going. Age maybe? I think so. Age and wisdom … some more than others.

Simple things, simple gestures …

The little things … I like it when there’s peace in our lives.

I’m the type of person who when things get to be too much and my mind is racing in ten different directions and there are no clear answers, it just paralyzes me … therefore I do nothing. It’s a bad place to be and a bad human trait. Bad, bad, bad.

I did call my friend, Barbara, this afternoon to check on her. They’ve stopped all treatments and have called in Hospice. She’s still able to talk on the phone and is positive, for the most part, but when I put myself in her place, I can not imagine what she must be going through. She and her daughter are going this week to pick out her casket. Some part of my brain just can’t register what that must be like. I sit here and think to my self over and over again about how I might be had I walked in her shoes for the past few years. Like I said, it’s hard to imagine and hard to think about. Our mutual friends, Kris and Charlotte are driving in from Georgia and Florida this Saturday to be with her one last time just for the evening. I wish I could go but it’s not meant to be.

I wish I could sit here at my computer and actually write something that doesn’t revolve around the woes in my life. I could probably write volumes about things happening around our county or short one-liners that are funny or even spill out some kind of prophetic wisdom but I just don’t have it in me.

Therapy.

That’s what this is.

So, please bear with me while I try to work things out in my head and my heart.

Besides, nobody has to actually read it. It’s mainly just for me.

God bless us all.

Cleve surprised me with a Mother’s Day treat this weekend. He kept the final destination in Atlanta a secret until we had arrived there, walked into the amphitheater and passed by the T-shirt sales booth on our way to the bathroom.

As I looked over to my left at all of the T-shirts my eyes got big and I grabbed Cleve and practically squealed …. “STEELY DAN CONCERT??!!!???”

It was awesome and those guys haven’t lost one bit of talent over the years. We got us a fruit and cheese plate and some shrimp cocktail and a couple of bottles of wine and kicked back to bask in the nostalgia of the evening. Memories flooded in as I thought of the two of us back in the 70′s and 80′s when we were first married, poor as church mice, raising and chasing kids and listening to Steely Dan albums on the stereo. Leave it to Cleve to totally outdo himself with this surprise. He never ceases to amaze me. I’ll never forget it. It was FABULOUS!!!

We slept in Saturday and headed out in the early afternoon to just wander around while we waited for Joe and Rachel to arrive that evening. After stopping at the Fresh Market to get some lunch stuff, we ended up in a beautiful park where we walked around and had a picnic. Very peaceful.

Joe and Rachel got there around 7:30, got checked in at the Hilton and we ventured off to dinner at Asio’s. We ate way too much but were pleasantly content. When we got back to our hotel, we visited in our room for awhile and then decided to go up to the cigar bar at the top of the hotel where Joe and his dad shared some expensive Scotch whisky and we all enjoyed the view. (By then, I was drinking water!)

We slept in again on Sunday and after having lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, we all loaded up and headed for our humble homes. We called the mothers and wished them a happy Mother’s Day. Mama was spending hers over at Beth’s with Missy and LaRue was surrounded by Sherry and her group.

I had a great time in Atlanta. I wish Spencer and his family could have joined us. Maybe one day they’ll be able to.

This morning it was back to the grind … and so it goes.

I woke up early enough to actually sit out on my back porch for awhile before I headed in to work. I slept good (which never happens) AND when I got on the scales this morning, much to my surprise, I had lost a pound!!! For the past week or so I’ve been wallowing in whatever it is I was wallowing in and when that happens I tend to console myself by overdoing it in the food department. So losing a pound was a nice surprise.

The day was slow and easy and, for the most part, I was able to get caught up on some of my work that had been left undone while Iva was out on vacation for two weeks. I even have our paper website updates almost completed so I’ll be able to upload them in the morning (ON TIME!) for a change. That hasn’t happened in about three weeks.

So, I feel pretty good today. Of course, family stuff is always on my mind. I’m just looking forward to June when I can go see them.

I talked to Tom on Messenger last night. We got all caught up on “the news” back home and all the fun they had at our 30th class reunion. He told me they might be tearing down our old high school and building a new one. I can not IMAGINE that!!! How sad. All those many people who walked those halls over the years. All the memories of Mr. Brown and his paddle, having to write 1,000 word themes because I can’t keep my mouth shut, all the pep rallies, the streakers running across the front of the auditorium butt naked, socializing with my girlfriends, basketball games (basketball was my true love at the time) … the list goes on. It was like an enclosed little social globe where nobody could touch us and all the woes of our lives that were yet to happen just didn’t exist.

I’ll be keeping a close eye on what develops. They actually need a new school. Our old high school is just about falling apart and that’s sad, too. It was in pretty good shape when Cleve and I attended there but that’s been over thirty years ago. WHOA!!

I didn’t make it to our reunion this past year but I’ll try to go to the next one. According to Tom, they had a great time!

I’m sitting out on my porch now and the rain comes and goes. It smells good. Supper’s in the oven and I don’t have to work (much) tonight.

Other than a few worries that I have … life is grand.

Mama’s not doing well at all and it’s no wonder. She’s 84-years-old, driving my brother to Little Rock and back every day (she did that for a week straight), most days, staying all day there and doing it the next day and the next and the next. She’s humped over with osteoperosis and has a bad hip. Since she’s been dealing with all of this with Fred again, she’s worried herself into a state to where she’s nervous and jittery … and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Fred is about two weeks away from his stem cell transplant and it’ll get worse from here on out. We don’t know what the outcome will be and there’s always the underlying fear that it won’t help and he’ll get worse. My worst fears my be realized sooner than expected. I hope that’s not the case.

There is no easy answer. There really isn’t an answer at all. He has three daughters who, I hope, will step in and help out. They all live out-of-state but hopefully they’ll be able to find a way to be there for him … and their grandmother. Missy helps a lot but there’s only so much she can do. And, of course, Mama feels like she should be there every step of the way with it all. That’s a mother’s heart … wanting to help her child through a devistating crisis. But she’s 84-YEARS-OLD!!!! For God’s sake!!!!

I wish I could be there all the time. I wish there were more that I could do other than just talk on the phone to them. What help is that?? She says don’t worry. Missy says, don’t worry. Things will be taken care of … but it’s hard. Especially being so far away and feeling as helpless as a newborn baby.

I’m planning a trip there in June to help in any way that I can. Even if it’s just a fresh face to look at to hopefully take Mama’s mind off of all the doom and gloom that she’s lived with for the past few years. I also hope that I can be of some kind of help to Fred. By then, his stem cell transplant will be over and I just don’t know what to expect after that.

What I WANT to do is call those girls and say, “HEY!! Your dad needs you back home. Figure out a way to MAKE THAT HAPPEN!!!! I told my sister this evening that I’d like to call them and tell them just that. I don’t mind being the “bitch”. But Mama told me I needed to stay out of it. STAY OUT OF IT???!!!! The last time I checked I was still in this family and I care DEEPLY about what’s going on.

It’s just a mess. There are no answers. Only prayers and if God can work miracles, and I believe that He can, please send one to my brother. I’m pretty sure that the cancer will take him eventually. But, I ask that all of this turmoil be resolved and get him through this as stress free and as peaceful as possible.

I am at a loss.

Emotions and fatigue are running high at our paper. Spring is a busy time for us anyway but this Spring we’ve added an additional publication to the mix. It’s our paper’s quasquicentennial year (125th year) so we’re doing a special publication every month through October. it’s a publication every month to write stories about news and events that were happening at “that time” as covered in our paper. It’s a wonderful publication and I believe that people are enjoying it. But, it’s extra work for everyone.

When you add that plus all the other work (which is already overwhelming) into a mix of family woes, medical woes, children woes, Mama woes and any other kind of woe you can think of, it can become overwhelming. Some of us haven’t had a “real” vacation in a long, long time.

I’m not speaking about myself. I’m content with the load I have. But, I don’t have all of the outside worries that others have. Plus, it’s just me and Cleve here. I don’t mind doing what it takes to get the job done. Yeah, I get tired and frustrated and stressed but that’s the nature of the beast.

We have a GREAT thing going on here. A wonderful community, a wonderful working environment, talented people who want to do a great job.

Like I said, we all have our own things to deal with and we do the best that we can. But some extended down time every now and then is what’s going to get us through all of the emotional and mental ups and downs that are inevitable.

I do feel that everything will be ok. I just worry. Like a mother hen worrying over her chicks and her nest. After all, for some of us, we spend more time at the office than we do at our homes. You’ve got to find peace, joy and passion in there somewhere.

We talked about things I’d almost forgotten and even managed to laugh through our tears. What I wouldn’t give to sit out on the porch with her and a cup of coffee and just talk for hours … or be quiet for hours. Either way, it’s good. It’s always been that way. I’ve always heard that anyone can talk volumes at you but you know you have a true friend when the silence between you is understood and just being in each other’s company is comfortable and easy. I miss her.

That phone call did more for me than anyone will ever know. It was definately the bright spot in my day. However, my day, yesterday, didn’t go too awfully bad. I was just steadily busy all day. The problem is when I’m busy with five different things at once AND at different desks. Like I said, it wasn’t too bad plus I stayed a little late to get caught up on my work.

I hope today will be good for everyone. I woke up this morning with that overwhelming feeling of blank space within me. Sometimes I feel so disconnected. I’m not sure where it comes from. Maybe my call with Bonnie last night triggered it. Maybe it’s just a collection of emotions I’ve had for quite some time … I can’t seem to shake it. But, I am sure that I’ll get through this day like I do every other … one minute at a time.

I hereby declare that my focus over the next couple of weeks will be to try to do one thing at a time, know that I’ll be putting in many more hours than normal (and accept it), ask for help when I need it, and try not to be too stressed out … dog tired … overwhelmed … feel like I’m drowning … and most importantly try focus on my task at hand and be nice to others. It’ll all be ok.

Putting all loneliness and depression aside, my life is so good. I am truly blessed. God is good.

Cleve is the Striped Bass Festival chairman this year and has been running himself ragged trying to get things in order for that. It’ll be held on my birthday week at the end of this month. We always have a lot of fun but I can imagine that this year, all Cleve wants is for it to be over. I share in that. He’s so tired and overwhelmed from it all and, quite frankly, I’d like to have my partner back.

Right now, I’m sitting out on our back porch, watching all of my birds. I love it. I come here every day, when I can, after work and sit, have a glass of wine, and watch all the birds. The Hummingbirds have started coming back. We have about four different ones, so far, that I can see. Plus, our Painted Buntings have returned. They are gorgeous!! The first time we saw one was last year in our back yard. We thought someone’s exotic pet had gotten loose.

I admit, I could be doing other things during this time on my back porch. But, truth is, it’s the very few moments of the day that I allow myself the luxury of the beauty that lies so close to me and, also, the luxury of alone time. I say prayers at night but I really feel the presence of God during this precious time I call my own. It’s good prayer time.

Anyway, like I said, all seems to be well here. I’ll call Mama over the weekend to see how Fred is and how she’s made it through the rest of the week since I talked to her. Hopefully, I’ll see them all soon.

God bless …

Work has been busy but what else is new?

I’ve kept in close contact with Mama and Fred. He started his chemo last week but are not happy with test results so they’re backing up and trying something different than they did a few years ago. I’m still not sure what that is. When I talk to Fred, he’s so positive and optimistic that it’s hard to really get down to the nitty gritty. I respect him for that but when we hang up, I’m not quite satisfied that I’ve gotten everything I want to know. You know?

Anyway, he thinks … and this solely depends on all of his test results along the way … that they’ll be doing his stem cell transplant in a month or so.

I so want to go to Arkansas. It’s not so much a “want” but a “need” to go. It’s so hard being so far away. I pray every day to God, who knows all things, to guide me in what I need to do … among other things. I am steadily trying to figure out a time I can go for a week so that it doesn’t interfere with anything else or anyone else.

I believe, with all my heart and soul, that God will provide a way for me to go when I can be of help to Mama as well as Fred. My heart aches for everyone involved.

The most important thing he has is his family. His girls are in constant contact with him … calls three or four times a day. For that, I am so grateful.

Mama tells me that we have to accept what we have been dealt and do the best that we can. I believe that as well but it is, without a doubt, one of the hardest things we … as family … as humans … have to endure.

How do I get through it? I keep God and the faith close. I don’t talk about it. I keep it inside because for me to get through something this intimate and tragic, only my God is privy to any in depth conversation I may want to have about it.

Prayers are being sent up daily.

We left Friday afternoon, spent the night in Atlanta and went on in Saturday. We met Joe at his work so he could show us his office and take us on a tour of the capital … but not before I snapped off a picture of his official parking spot

We got to go places where you needed security codes to get in. Joe had it all approved before we came to able to show us these places. I, for one, felt honored and proud.

He has a nice office and we got him a plant to go in that window behind him. There’s a special code he has to use to get into his office area. Because he works in Constituent Services, they have to make sure that no one has access to them except the people who are supposed to be there.

He took us to the room where the governor conducts press conferences. That was interesting … it was smaller than I thought it would be. He briefly struck a pose on the podium.

After we finally made it to their house a few miles down the road, we visited for awhile and then decided to venture out to find food (Cleve and I had not eaten much that day).

Rachel sold a house last week and had to go attach a “Sold” sign in the front yard of it so we all went together and snapped pictures of her hanging up her sign. She’s really coming along in her real estate career.

We all went to lunch and then visited the Southern Homes and Gardens place. It was fabulous and gorgeous! Spencer and Orie called while we were there and everyone got to talk to them. That was nice!!

Needless to say, we are so proud of all of our kids. They are progressing in the world and all seem to be happy. Speaking as a parent, you will always worry but as long as they’re happy and healthy and making it, it soothes something deep inside of a mother’s heart. You mothers know what I’m talking about.

We’re headed home now and are almost to Augusta. (which is good, ‘cause I need to potty). We’ll make it home this evening sometime. Like I said, it was a quick trip but I’m glad we went and it was good to see family this weekend!

We don’t get many pictures of Skye and when we do, it’s like … WOW!!

She’s growing up so fast and is becoming more beautiful every time we see her.

And SMART!! Did I mention how smart she is??

Needless to say we are two very proud grandparents and long for the day when we can see her more often.

She’s an Amerasian beauty who has the potential of becoming what or whomever she wants to be.

How could you ever look at this child and believe there is no God. What an amazing gift … to all of us.

Spencer and Orie … y’all done good!

They’ve found more spots of cancer after six years of no new growth. Today, he’s started his chemo routine all over again and in May he’ll have another stem cell transplant.

I feel helpless & guilty, as I always do in situations like this. Helpless, because there is absolutely nothing I can do … guilty, because I can’t be there to try to do something. It’s a vicious circle and I live with it on a daily basis.

His attitude is good and he’s stronger than he was the first time around so that can only work in his favor.

Still, he’s my big brother and I hate to see him like this.

But with a good positive attitude and God on his side and with a lot of prayer he’ll come out of this with a few more years. Only time will tell.

I worry about Mama, too. She’s 84-years-old and is driving him back and forth to Little Rock every day for treatments. The last time she did this with him was about 5 or 6 years ago and she had Daddy to help her. Then Daddy got sick with cancer and she had to care for him for several months as well. She ended up suffering from exhaustion both physically and emotionally. It took her over a year to get over that and sometimes I wonder if she ever really recovered.

But she’s a stubborn and strong woman and if she’s able, she’s going to see to it that her children are taken care of regardless of the danger to herself. Hopefully, though, she’s learned to be aware of her limitations and will ask for help when she needs it. Seeing her through the eyes of a mother myself, she is my hero.

All in all, attitudes are good. We’re all just dealing with what we are given and doing the best that we can.

She just got out of the hospital today and was feeling a bit down, a state that’s rare for her. I’m sure she certainly has her moments when she’s alone but to others she is so brave.

She found out she had cancer back in 1996 … ovarian. She has certainly beat the odds but unfortunately, her cancer has taken over a lot of her body now. She has a hard time staying hydrated and any ounce of physical activity wears her out, not to mention the fact that she’s lonely a big part of the time which just kills me.

Our conversation started out slow. I told her she sounded depressed and she admitted that she was but by the end of our conversation there was laughter and comments about the men in our lives, mostly our sons. We had to cut our phone call short because her cell was dying. I found myself wanting to keep our contact at that moment going for as long as I could. After we hang up, I always feel a bit helpless because, although I know she’s enjoyed our conversation and bantering back and forth, I also know that when she lays down that phone, she retreats back into her own living hell that is cancer.

I confessed to her that I’ve not been to my GYN in a long time and left her with the promise that I would call soon and make an appointment. She feels that if she had gone in for a check up sooner, she may not be where she is today. Now, I know that God has His plan and I accept that. But I’ve vowed to do my part by making the choice to get in for a check up soon.

It’s all about the choices we make and if we let God lead us in those choices then, hopefully, in our existence as humans on this planet Earth, we’ll make the right ones. I believe that it’s when we make the wrong choices that we need to accept the will of God and bow down to His mercy and let Him guide us through our mistakes. All we have to do is accept.

As to my friend … hang in there sweety. I love ya.

Speaking of … our yard is looking bad. Depending on what is happening next weekend, I think I’ll start trying to get it in shape. Most of the yard duties fall on Cleve but he’s been so busy with work lately, there’s not been time to do anything at home. Our neighbors have their yards looking good (at least cleaned up from the winter). You know, ya gotta keep up with them or you’ll stick out like a sore thumb. And not in a good way!

This weekend was ok I guess. I worked off and on plus I waited to get a phone call from work yesterday about some ad proofs that were left hanging on Friday. The call never came and I have to say I’m more than a bit annoyed at the whole situation. Cleve says to let it go. Which means it’ll happen again and again. I don’t know what to do. I guess letting it go for now is the right thing to do (for me) … if I don’t, I’ll blow a gasket. So, needless to say, I have no idea what’s facing me and Iva Jean this morning. Maybe there were no corrections. A phone call either way would have been nice.

Spencer called yesterday asking about our family tree. It seems that one of Skye’s assignments in school is doing her family tree up to her great-great grandparents. I was shocked at what I didn’t know. The only branch I knew for sure was my mother’s. I didn’t even know my grandmother’s (my dad’s mother) name. We just always called her grandmama. I guess I need to write these things down for future generations of our children. I have my mom’s family history in a book and I know that she has some of my dad’s at her house. I had no clue about Cleve’s family, beyond his parents.

We were hoping to do the web cam with them but Spencer never called back. I guess Skye got sleepy plus she has school today and had to get to bed early. The time difference between here and England is a pain sometimes.

Gotta go and shower and scoot to work. I want to get there early this morning to see what wonderful surprises await me! Ugh!!

Oh! and by the way … there was absolutely no weight loss last week. But there was no gain either. I’m back on it today.

I’m pretty sure my weight loss effort has suffered this week although I’ve tried to be good. Stress does that to me … and I don’t think the donuts I ate last night helped any . But, they were there (thanks Joanne!! Ugh!) and are GREAT stress food. I guess I’ll find out how bad I was when I step on the scales tomorrow morning. Yikes!

Today, I think, will be trying to catch up on some things both work related and house related, although, it’s almost noon and all I’ve managed to do is two loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and made breakfast after that so I have to clean it up again, and finished up website updates on our newspaper website and got that uploaded (2 days late). Hmm. I guess I HAVE gotten a few things accomplished already. But, the afternoon awaits and there’s miles to go before I rest.

I haven’t heard from the boys lately. I know that Spencer’s real busy at work as is Joe. Both of their jobs involve serving the people. That makes me proud. They make me proud. I miss them both.

The last time I talked to Spencer, Skye was doing well. She went to her first sleepover last week at a friend’s house and had a ball. She’s almost seven-years-old so it’s about this time that she’ll start to want to spread her wings a bit. “Spread them carefully, babygirl”.

On a more serious note … I’ve been keeping an eye on someone’s blog for the past few days … someone who is battling cancer. I just read about some unexpected bad news she received. My prayers go up for Marisa and her family.

Ok … I guess I’d better get back to the endless “stuff” that forever surrounds me.

Note: Acceptance is a gift.

We have this nice newly renovated office. We used to call our old office “the cave” … that’s how bad it was. Wouldn’t you think that people would try to keep our new place nice, pick up after themselves, wash their own dishes, clean up their own spills???? Why would anyone think that their time is more precious than mine (or anyone else’s) and that I have more of it and not only that, but would love to spend it cleaning up after other people?

I am sorry to complain but, I for one, am tired of it. If everyone would take one, maybe two minutes to wash up their glass, coffee cup and clean up their mess this would not be a problem. I busted one of our reporters on it last night. I guess my name will be mud because I was the one who spoke out. So be it. I don’t even care anymore.

Betty, our receptionist, has taken on the role, out of the goodness of her heart, (not her job, mind you) of making sure we have what we need from the store … keeping us stocked up on drinks, water, paper stuff, coffee, etc. Well, it also seems that there’s a handicap in our office concerning stocking the fridge. Betty and I have been filling it up when it gets low and last week, just to see how long it would take for someone else to put drinks and water back in it, we vowed we wouldn’t touch it. Well, it got down to one drink left and NO water. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I caved. Yes, I filled it back up. See, that’s what happens. They wait until someone else does it. This just ain’t right.

I do not mind helping others. In fact, I long to do so. But, what I’m talking about is just plain tacky and thoughtless.

And while I’m on a rant … speaking of tackiness … ya don’t pass around a birthday card to just a couple of people to sign (not in an office as small as ours) without giving everyone a chance to sign it. How can someone not see how wrong that is?

Now, as I read back over this, these things seems petty. It’s just that when you get a bunch of “petty” going on at the same time, it seems mountainous. Then you gotta deal with your OWN work load (and in my case, others) and issues. It’s too much at times.

Well, I have sufficiently ranted and raved here which was not my intention this morning … my peaceful and quiet time and I’ve only scratched the surface. I’ve resolved myself to the fact that I don’t have anyone to talk to about these things … not complaining, just a fact. Maybe I’ll feel a little bit lighter today.

Yesterday I got all the ads completed that I could leaving Iva Jean in pretty good shape but I’m sure more will pile on and I just don’t have the time today to help out but I know that I’ll have to.

Also, God, help me to remember to be patient with people today. I often lose my sense of self when I get so overwhelmed. That’s not good and it doesn’t feel real nice either.

Sigh … all of this, too, shall pass. There are people out there enduring more stress, problems and pain than me. I pray for them as well.

God bless.

One of my girls is out this week on her senior trip to New York and the other one is off every Wednesday so, let’s see … what did I do today?? A lot of everything and most of that was done at pretty much the same time. There are things that have been left undone concerning the accounting part of my job but hopefully I’ll be able to catch up tomorrow.

Between subscription drives, advertising orders, graphics and composition work, bookkeeping, website updates and computer technical issues and paper jams (why does everyone only call me? Somehow, I’ve been dubbed the “computer fixer/printer unjammer person in the office) my day was a day!

I’m holding out for the weekend .

Note: I’m not able to reach Barbara. I worry about her.

I may be cursing my progress by writing about it here. I vowed to myself that this would be a private battle … a struggle that never ends for me. But, no one reads this anyway plus it’s a good way to get my thoughts out without actually “telling” someone.

I have to say, this time it feels different. I keep in very close contact with God on this and if I am able to succeed it will be because of Him.

Anyway … here’s to week #2 and to remembering that it’s not going to happen overnight.

Everything I did seemed so haphazard and unorganized. Lots of interuptions, putting out fires and doing tasks out of their natural order (or my perceived and well placed order).

If there’s one thing I know about myself it’s that I am very much an “in the box” kind of person. Throw something in that hangs outside of that box and I fall to pieces. Well, not really. I did actually get everything completed yesterday but it reeked havoc on my psyche.

At the end of the day I felt anxious, scattered and exhausted, plus I had the feeling that something had been left undone.

It’s kinda like a ball. One is lumpy, one is smooth. Roll them at the same time side by side. The lumpy one doesn’t roll smoothly … it’s all over the place with no direction. The other one … smooth as silk.

Let’s just say I was very “lumpy” yesterday. Maybe today will be better.

It turned colder here today but at least the rain had stopped. When it’s cold in the South it chills you to the bone … literally.

My day was good but very busy. All of my well laid plans and things I was hoping to accomplish never saw the light of day. I had a meeting with my graphics department late this afternoon emphasizing points of production that could, hopefully, keep mistakes from making it onto the streets. It went well.

Ok … my eyes are heavy and my feet are cold. I feel the warmth of my bed and the promise of another exciting chapter in my book calling me.

I always welcome sleep. God bless.

Cleve and I are fixing to head to the border of North Carolina and South Carolina to spend a glorious weekend with Wanda and William … two of our most favorite people. William has graciously offered the shelter of his mom’s beach house and today we’ll be going to a winery there for a wine & chocolate tasting which are two of my most delicious demons.

I look forward to the time away from town and other people and believe it or not, I’m not taking my laptop! I hit a brick wall this week approaching burnout with high velocity. Time away from my dearest companion, even though it is just a computer, will be a welcome treat.

By the way, I deleted all of my WordPress files that I uploaded to our server. There were things I could not make work and my frustration level was rising quickly. I figured I have enough of that in my real life. Just couldn’t handle it for something that’s supposed to be fun and relaxing like writing. Oh well … it has definitely shown me that I, after all, am definitely the sum of my geeky parts which means absolutely SQUAT! Through my journey in attempting to dive into technical things of which I know nothing about has left me certain that I truly do know just about nothing.

And life goes on …

When I think back to my childhood and remember Tammy, a smile crosses my face. We only lived about a block from each other so visits to each other’s houses was quite frequent … me going to her house more because we could “get away with more” there. We were mischievous little farts and many a time got into trouble for this or that.

One of my clearest memories of our antics was on one of the many nights I spent sleeping over at her house. We almost never went to bed before the wee hours of the morning but this particular one, be it out of boredom or just plain lunacy, we decided that we needed to take her mom’s car for a spin around the block. We were only about twelve-years-old at the time! what were we thinking??

Anyway, we thought about it and it didn’t take long for us to sneak out of the house, and crawl into the car. We pushed it out into the street so that it wouldn’t be so loud when we cranked it up.

If I remember correctly, I drove first. In the VERY small town where we grew up, everything pretty much dies after 6 p.m. so there was no one out to witness our little jaunt. We did, however, spy some headlights in front of us as we were making our way down the highway. Tammy yelled, “Turn right!!!! QUICK!!”. Ummm … so I did. Luckily for us there was no ditch there … there also was NO ROAD! The car bumbed and jarred and slugglishly made it through the open field I had turned onto. Remembering the headlights that prompted our little shortcut, we thought the chase was on. But no one saw us.

After that close encounter, we decided it was Tammy’s turn to drive. She’s shorter than me and, I can’t remember, but we may have put books in the driver’s seat for her to see. I vaguely remember her having problems working the peddles.

We ventured out onto Hwy 13 that comes in to our little town and once again were plagued by headlights coming towards us. I quickly reached over and pulled Tammy’s sun visor down with the thinking that maybe no one would see her driving if she had it down.

As we were fiddling with the visor and arguing about it’s “effectiveness” it didn’t take but about 5 seconds and we found ourselves in a very deep ditch with her mother’s car sitting on it’s side (my side). Amongst all the panic of our situation, we found such humor in it. It was always that way with her. Laughter was key. I laughed so hard trying to climb out of the car that I wet my britches.

The walk home, at 4:00 in the morning, to her house was a bit more sobering than the actual event as we imagined all the tortuous ways our parents would punish us.

Turns out, Tammy’s mom wasn’t too harsh (she never was) and my mom never found out about it. We begged Tammy’s mom not to tell and she didn’t … although at my ripe old age of 48, I would guess she knows but even at my age, I dare not ask her.

There were many more adventures with my cousin Tammy. Like plotting to climb down her chimney, peeing off the roof, swinging naked from a tree branch in her front yard (there was a beating for this one). Those are just a few.

Fond memories of laying in her bed reading Archie Comic Books fill my head and as I look back on our childhood I can’t think of one memory I don’t cherish.

I’m glad we’re in touch again.

Actually, I’ve been remiss in writing because when I’ve not been working (at home) and in between supper and episodes of Boston Legal or whatever series Cleve and I happen to be watching, I’ve been experimenting with the downloadable version of WordPress. I was afraid of it at first but was amazed at how easy it was to install.

Quite frankly, I’m not very good at this stuff if it’s too technical. Like I said, I’m still playing with it. So far so good.

Nothing like a new toy .

I’ve talked to my friend, Barbara, a lot lately. She says she has good days and bad. She spends more time in the hospital these days than at home … she can’t stand up and walk much without almost passing out. She stays dehydrated all the time unless she’s getting intravenous fluids every day. See … they did a colostomy but didn’t have very much healthy intestine to work with. Anything she eats and drinks never has a chance to be absorbed into her body. The cancer is wrapped around the rest of her intestines and lower bowels as well as other parts of her body. Because of this, she’s losing weight very quickly.

I won’t belabor details of her illness. She wouldn’t want that. But if faith and optimism determined whether someone would live or die, she’d live forever.

She’s been heavy on my mind and heart … Prayers are sent up daily.

Cleve and I ventured out Friday around noon, headed to Charleston for our 7th Chamber of Commerce retreat since we’ve lived here. Getting out of town went fairly smoothly in comparison to other attempts at leaving at a scheduled departure time.

We arrived in Charleston early afternoon and did what we could to help Lamar (this year’s Chamber president and also a good friend) and Dawn (Chamber Manager and also a good friend) get set up. Things rolled along until after registration. Afterwards everyone attended a reception of heavy hors d’oeuvres and mixing and mingling.

Around 7:30 a group of us headed toward the Footlight Players Theatre for an evening of culture. The performance was Inherit the Wind, a true drama about the infamous “Monkey Trial”. A great telling of a school teacher arrested for teaching evolution in school. It was very controversial, even in today’s world, and we lost some people about half way through, but the ones who stayed really enjoyed it.

Saturday morning brought meetings which were really good, focusing on the future of our county. I, however, opted to ditch the meetings after the first break in favor of scoping out a close place to sip Bloody Mary’s with my good friend Wanda (also attending the retreat). We had a great time and lots of laughs. When we returned, the meetings were just about over and it was lunchtime. We lunched at the Pavilion, right across the street from the market. It was mauuuuvelous!

Saturday night brought the banquet complete with a fantastic dinner and a most wonderful band (of Build Me Up Buttercup Baby fame). They were GREAT! Had a big time … blah, blah, blah.

Afterwards I was ready to go crash until one of our “group” suggested we head over to the Purple Tree club just up the street. And so we went. WHAT an experience for us grey haired, older types . With wall to wall young people, the music was so loud it vibrated through our bodies. Most everyone was standing and dancing where they stood. WE HAD A BLAST!!! I’m sure the kids there were wondering what we thought we were doing but most of them, I am sure, took one look and said, “Now there’s some old folks who still know how to have a good time.” ….. ya reckon?

Ha! The above photo is a friend of ours dancing on the table outside in the courtyard of our hotel right before we headed to the club. We were REALLY feeling no pain!

Anyway … we left there around 1 a.m. or so, ventured up to the hospitatlity room at the hotel and wandered back to our room around 2 a.m. or so. Cleve was up and at the Sunday morning meeting at 8 a.m. … What a man! I, on the otherhand, did not make it.

Ever since we’ve lived here, we’ve always heard of the infamous “Savanah” Chamber retreat. Someone said this weekend that THIS retreat ran a close second to that one.

I know Lamar was pleased and I know I speak for most everyone that attended … IT WAS GREAT!!

Boy … the words to that song are so true and depicts a journey that many of us have taken.

Oftentimes I ponder where I am, how I got here and where I’m going. Not so much because I’m so concerned with the thought but, rather, I’m in awe of it.

If someone had told me three years ago that there would be this incredible underlying peace that resides in my soul, I’d have said they were crazy. Those of us who can pinpoint with clear accuracy a time in our lives when everything changed are truly blessed by God. Not because of the experience itself … everyone who’s soul and spirit has been lead to Jesus is blessed … but because we that remember that defining moment in time have a profound awareness of our innermost relationship with God and how He has changed our hearts and we also remember that finite line that divides then and now.

I know, I know. I am human and I have no delusions about what that entails. But now I am absolutely certain that God walks with me. I never even thought about that before. I knew that I believed in Him but I never really knew Him. Thoughts that I once harbored are gone and actions that once consumed my every day life have disappeared.

My unsolicited advice to anyone who is struggling with their heart is to turn it to God and let Him take control. I have learned that He will let you stumble. He’ll allow you to make some of the worst mistakes of your life and face some of the most deep dark places in your soul. But I also know that He will be there to pick you up and turn you around. All you have to do is ask and believe.

I thank God every day for my past mistakes because without them I might have never come to the understanding I have today. I regret those I hurt along the way and I pray often that they have been healed.

Remember that life is a journey. Embark upon it and embrace it with a gentle soul and a sense of adventure. And most importantly, when you stumble and fall (and you will), remember God and keep Him close.

Last night I took the night off from most of my work to play around in this WordPress blog thing. I’m still trying figure out some stuff but mostly just don’t have the “umph” it takes to do it right now.

Cleve and I (and Cathy, Joanne and Nancy) are taking off work today to head to Charleston for our annual Chamber of Commerce Retreat this weekend. Cleve and I have been every year since we’ve lived here and it’s always great fun. Cleve also plays a major role every year in making the retreat a major success.

All in all, it’ll be a nice break and time away … which is always good.

So alas … I must go pack.

Ta ta …

Other than a few water spitting toilets and a small leak under the kitchen sink among a few more little things, blah, blah … Cleve thinks the toilet thing has something to do with the city system. When I flush a toilet I want the kind of flush that makes you glad you stood up beforehand. Know what I mean?

Ok. We still have a long ways to go before we rest but we’re getting there. With my compulsion and lack of patience to want everything completed NOW it seems neverending.

The weather was bad when we got there but was gorgeous yesterday (which was the most important day and it’s the only day we planned to do anything) and now, again while driving back to South Carolina, the weather is worse than it was on Friday. God must’ve known we needed a good day to relax and enjoy … no doubt He did.

Friday evening when we arrived we went to the grocery story and stocked up on the essentials … you know, wine and stuff. We always buy way too much food to tote up to our suite but we managed. Like Cleve said, “Heaven forbid we have to make two trips to carry up everything.” Be that as it may, we managed it in one. We stayed at the Hilton Suites and it was as fine a hotel as I think we’ve ever stayed in. Very comfortable.

After settling in that evening, instead of room service we snacked on crackers and spreads of all sorts and drank wine. Going to grocery stores in big cities is like a trip to Disney World for us. We chose spreads and cheeses that we don’t normally see in our little grocery stores at home. We munched and drank as we watched the “series d’ jour” that Cleve had thought to pack. (Boston Legal … it’s quite good!)

Saturday morning we got up and ordered room service for breakfast and eventually ventured out into the wild blue Atlanta around noon or so. Cleve had decided we’d do the MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) instead of trying to drive (our hotel was a ways off … kinda on the outskirts of Atlanta). Before yesterday, I had not been on the MARTA since the boys were little and we took them on the big AmTrak adventure to Atlanta from Alabama.

As we walked through the MARTA station and wandered out onto the platform to wait for our train it reminded me of being in Japan a couple of years ago where the ONLY way you got anywhere was through their transit and subway system. The only difference in this was that all the signs were in English and I could understand the language of those around me. Plus it was much less crowded.

We headed down to the famous FOX Theater where Twelve Angry Men was playing the 2 p.m. matinee. The big stars in it were John Boy from the Waltons and Norm from Cheers. The theater itself was something to behold. If you’ve never been, I encourage you to make the effort. The rooms were enormous and standing in the middle of them you could almost hear the conversations of years past. As I stood there I swear I heard the rustle of a lady’s skirt and looked down just as I thought I felt the brush of it’s hem gently sweep across my ankle.

The play was great but the experience as a whole was wonderful!

After the play we had about three hours to kill before our reservations at Azios. We opted to go to the top of the Westin Peachtree and have drinks while we literally watched the world go on around us. The bar rotates in a complete circle every 30 or so minutes.

After an incredible meal at Azios we headed back to our hotel. Cleve started a movie and it wasn’t long before I was out like a light.

We slept in this morning and are now headed home. It’s amazing how such a few short hours can give the spirit a whole new outlook on things. Although I’m still a bit tired from all the goings-on back home, I’m ready … both body and soul … to face tomorrow.

Thank you to my wonderful husband for such a great and relaxing weekend and to God for keeping us safe through it all.

Coming home and cooking a meal has been obsolete for the past couple of weeks at least. Some nights I’d rather just come home, take a long hot bath and go to bed. Lately, my idea of cleaning house is throwing some Clorox in the toilet and that’s it! Not like me at all. I haven’t even began to take Christmas stuff down.

The guys are supposed to be coming this weekend to finish up the kitchen and I’ve pledged that next week, no matter what it takes, I’m going to have everything out of boxes and put up. Then … and only then … will my life, or anyone elses life in our little newspaper family, return to some semblance of normalcy.

Our office move went well (and is still going on … piece by piece). On Friday we had great help from staffers as well as hired help. That dwindled drastically come Saturday & Sunday and I doubt we’ll (meaning me and Cleve) have any help today. We are about dead and some muscles we never knew existed are screaming at the top of their lungs. But it’s New Years. I don’t expect anyone else to help but there’s so much more that needs to be done before doing business in our new place tomorrow.

We spent New Year’s Eve with William and Wanda. What a welcome break from all the labor intensive stuff we’ve had going on the past few days.

There was great conversation and I laughed at times when I thought my sides would split. We had appetisers, a fabulous steak dinner and went out on the pontoon boat for awhile. William built a kettle fire and we sat around after the boat ride and talked and laughed. We all managed to make it until midnight but shortly afterwards were ready to go lay down.

They are truly wonderful friends and so much fun. I love spending time with them whenever we can.

So … I lift my glass this new year to a wonderful partner, great friends, new beginnings and great year in a new place.

We are a once-a-week county paper and we also produce a TMC piece every week (in addition to magazines and brochures … blah, blah blah, blah blah). At Christmas time and Thanksgiving we do double and sometimes triple duty to get several issues out back to back so that we can take a little time off during the holidays to be with our families. This year was no different … EXCEPT we’ve added a complete office move in the mix.

Tomorrow is our absolute last day in our old office. Cleve, Cathy, Analisa and I finished up the last paper tonight that will be produced in that old hole. I use the term “old hole” loosely. It is pretty horrible but we’ve endured and even thrived there for the past seven years. The paper itself has been there for many, many years … we’ve only been there for seven.

I guess, for me, it’ll be bitter/sweet when it’s all said and done. If any of my co-workers heard me say that, they’d think I was crazy. Truth is, I’m very sentimental and even the strangest of situations can bring a tear to my eye. After all, it was in that old building that my life changed … for the better. It’s in that building that I’ve shared more belly laughs that I can count and it’s there that I learned the value of friendships among people I’m with day in and day out. It was also there that I learned how to have more patience than I ever thought I could possibly have. Even though we never knew if the toilet was going to work or if the roof was going to leak nor did we ever figure out what the scratching noise in the wall was … that old, horrible newspaper office has been good to us.

We’ve seen a lot of people come and go through our doors … some we’ve never seen again and some are still very much a part of our lives and hearts.

Tomorrow, we’ll walk through new doors and enter into a new year looking forward to new experiences … facing the future eagerly and with enthusiasm. I am truly blessed to have the good fortune to be surrounded by some of the best and most talented people I’ve ever known.

God bless our little paper and if, for some reason, we stray from our beliefs and “doing the right thing” isn’t our top priority anymore, snap us back to reality and help us back on our feet again.

Tomorrow will be a long, hard day.

Although I know it’ll be awhile before I can get a new laptop, I’ve been eyeing the black one and also the MacBook Pro. I’m not sure which one would be better plus I’m used to an iBook.

I’m excited about the new Intel processors and also the ability to partition the harddrive so that you can run Windows on one of them. Ok … I said it … yes, it would be nice. I’m not saying I want to work on a PC but simply because I have to use a PC at work when I do bookkeeping and that’s only because we have to use what Corporate uses. It’d be nice to not have to use two computers. Everything else we do at the paper is done on a Mac, of course .

Speaking of the paper … our new place of business is just about finished. It looks fantastic! We’re going to start moving some boxes in today. There was a frenzy of going through and throwing away and boxing up yesterday. It was fun coming across tools and stuff we used in the newspaper business not so long ago like border tape, exactos and rollers. Ahhhh, those were the days … of grid paper and wax machines, pasting up and stripping in, cutting color and using border tape and after it was all pasted up, giving it a good roll with the roller. We did have fun back in the day when the production department was a flurry of activity on deadline day.

Cleve’s going to display some of those cherished relics in one of his windows in the new place. How appropriate.

Although I am thankful to God for even waking up this morning, I do not look forward to my day today. We should be completely moved in Friday. The phones will be turned over then and we can start sorting through our work lives that have somehow been reduced to a few boxes temporarily.

I love my work. They say that printer’s ink gets in your blood. I believe it.

God bless

Ours was uneventful and blessed. Joe and Rachel came for a very brief visit to be with us this Christmas and they left around noon today to make the trek back to Alabama through all the rain and storms around and about. We all webcamed with Skye and Spencer for quite awhile the past couple of days which was GREAT! Looks like they were blessed this Christmas as well.

We spoke with family in Arkansas and Texas. It’s so nice that pieces of our family were able to be with each other. We were all pretty scattered this year.

On a sadder note … I talked to my friend Barbara this evening. She has had cancer for a few years and is coming, I’m afraid, to the end of her life here in this world. Her doctor has given her less than six months to live and she’s struggling through her last precious months.

I am constantly amazed at her positive attitude and acceptance of what her life has been dealt. She’s such a strong soul and one, I am sure, that will be in heaven when it’s all said and done.

I always say that during my times of trouble and deep pain that I’ll be as strong as my friend. Truth is, I don’t know that to be fact. All I can do is have faith, and lots of prayer, that God is in control.

I’ve learned a lot and have grown spiritually over the past three years. I am deeply grateful to God and the people (whether they were a good or bad influence) who changed my life forever.

“Chin up, Barbara. You have great things to look forward to. Those of us who are left behind will be the ones who are hurting.”

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions but if I did, mine for this year would be to keep my blog more current and work on our family website ….

Ok … having said all of that ….

It’s Christmas weekend and all is well. Joe and Rachel are here (still in bed at this time after a late night of drinks and talking). We’re so glad they were able to come even if it is for a very short weekend. It’s been a year since they’ve come to visit. Amazing how “jobs” change your life . When everyone gets up we’ll do Christmas today instead of tomorrow. They’ll be traveling back home then.

Spencer and his family are doing well and doing the Christmas thing this weekend. Orie is Buddhist, Spencer is Christian so I urge him every year to tell the Christmas story to Skye. I wish we could see them. Sometimes it makes me ache I miss them so much.

Our new office is coming along. We’ll move, God willing, next weekend. There are some excited people around our office. It’ll be a good change.

Alright … I’m going to rally the troops here. For all intents and purposes it’s Christmas morning here and it just ain’t fittin’ that people are still sleeping at 9:30 a.m.

God bless…