I Like it when …
Sometimes, it’s the simple things in life that give me pleasure … sitting on my porch in the quiet, listening to nature or the occasional water sprinkler that Cleve has set about our yard.
I like it when things go smoothly as I’m sure is the sentiment of most people out there. Something as simple as packing up some wine, cheese and crackers and going for a drive tickles me.
I guess I’m getting old. Well, no. I KNOW I am. So be it. Life catches up to us in our middle age bliss and forces us to realize just how precious our youth was. It’s a shame we didn’t appreciate it at the time. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be born with the knowledge and understanding of how our bodies would be changing over the years … and our minds. Maybe then, we would take more care, listen more closely and love life more passionately. Back then, it seems we were running here and there, chasing kids, seeking one thrill or another and I don’t remember appreciating it. Maybe it’s just a right of passage. The way it’s supposed to be.
I was just sitting here thinking about how we’ve slowed down. How content we are in what we do, where we are and where we’re going. Age maybe? I think so. Age and wisdom … some more than others.
Simple things, simple gestures …
The little things … I like it when there’s peace in our lives.
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Therapy
I’m sitting here on my back porch staring at this blank space to write in and I’m not even sure what I should write. Problem is, I have TOO much to write … too much personal and work stuff on my mind that it’s hard to compartmentalize it all in an orderly fashion.
I’m the type of person who when things get to be too much and my mind is racing in ten different directions and there are no clear answers, it just paralyzes me … therefore I do nothing. It’s a bad place to be and a bad human trait. Bad, bad, bad.
I did call my friend, Barbara, this afternoon to check on her. They’ve stopped all treatments and have called in Hospice. She’s still able to talk on the phone and is positive, for the most part, but when I put myself in her place, I can not imagine what she must be going through. She and her daughter are going this week to pick out her casket. Some part of my brain just can’t register what that must be like. I sit here and think to my self over and over again about how I might be had I walked in her shoes for the past few years. Like I said, it’s hard to imagine and hard to think about. Our mutual friends, Kris and Charlotte are driving in from Georgia and Florida this Saturday to be with her one last time just for the evening. I wish I could go but it’s not meant to be.
I wish I could sit here at my computer and actually write something that doesn’t revolve around the woes in my life. I could probably write volumes about things happening around our county or short one-liners that are funny or even spill out some kind of prophetic wisdom but I just don’t have it in me.
Therapy.
That’s what this is.
So, please bear with me while I try to work things out in my head and my heart.
Besides, nobody has to actually read it. It’s mainly just for me.
God bless us all.
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Mother’s Day … Woo Hoo!
While I said in my last post that I had lost a pound, I am sure I totally blew that out of the water this past weekend in Atlanta. It seems like I was eating something at every turn. That’s ok. Today, I ordered an exercise machine … hehehe!
Cleve surprised me with a Mother’s Day treat this weekend. He kept the final destination in Atlanta a secret until we had arrived there, walked into the amphitheater and passed by the T-shirt sales booth on our way to the bathroom.
As I looked over to my left at all of the T-shirts my eyes got big and I grabbed Cleve and practically squealed …. “STEELY DAN CONCERT??!!!???”
It was awesome and those guys haven’t lost one bit of talent over the years. We got us a fruit and cheese plate and some shrimp cocktail and a couple of bottles of wine and kicked back to bask in the nostalgia of the evening. Memories flooded in as I thought of the two of us back in the 70’s and 80’s when we were first married, poor as church mice, raising and chasing kids and listening to Steely Dan albums on the stereo. Leave it to Cleve to totally outdo himself with this surprise. He never ceases to amaze me. I’ll never forget it. It was FABULOUS!!! 
We slept in Saturday and headed out in the early afternoon to just wander around while we waited for Joe and Rachel to arrive that evening. After stopping at the Fresh Market to get some lunch stuff, we ended up in a beautiful park where we walked around and had a picnic. Very peaceful.
Joe and Rachel got there around 7:30, got checked in at the Hilton and we ventured off to dinner at Asio’s. We ate way too much but were pleasantly content. When we got back to our hotel, we visited in our room for awhile and then decided to go up to the cigar bar at the top of the hotel where Joe and his dad shared some expensive Scotch whisky and we all enjoyed the view. (By then, I was drinking water!)
We slept in again on Sunday and after having lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe, we all loaded up and headed for our humble homes. We called the mothers and wished them a happy Mother’s Day. Mama was spending hers over at Beth’s with Missy and LaRue was surrounded by Sherry and her group.
I had a great time in Atlanta. I wish Spencer and his family could have joined us. Maybe one day they’ll be able to.
This morning it was back to the grind … and so it goes.
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Ya Gotta Love a Great Day
I love days like today.
I woke up early enough to actually sit out on my back porch for awhile before I headed in to work. I slept good (which never happens) AND when I got on the scales this morning, much to my surprise, I had lost a pound!!! For the past week or so I’ve been wallowing in whatever it is I was wallowing in and when that happens I tend to console myself by overdoing it in the food department. So losing a pound was a nice surprise.
The day was slow and easy and, for the most part, I was able to get caught up on some of my work that had been left undone while Iva was out on vacation for two weeks. I even have our paper website updates almost completed so I’ll be able to upload them in the morning (ON TIME!) for a change. That hasn’t happened in about three weeks.
So, I feel pretty good today. Of course, family stuff is always on my mind. I’m just looking forward to June when I can go see them.
I talked to Tom on Messenger last night. We got all caught up on “the news” back home and all the fun they had at our 30th class reunion. He told me they might be tearing down our old high school and building a new one. I can not IMAGINE that!!! How sad. All those many people who walked those halls over the years. All the memories of Mr. Brown and his paddle, having to write 1,000 word themes because I can’t keep my mouth shut, all the pep rallies, the streakers running across the front of the auditorium butt naked, socializing with my girlfriends, basketball games (basketball was my true love at the time) … the list goes on. It was like an enclosed little social globe where nobody could touch us and all the woes of our lives that were yet to happen just didn’t exist.
I’ll be keeping a close eye on what develops. They actually need a new school. Our old high school is just about falling apart and that’s sad, too. It was in pretty good shape when Cleve and I attended there but that’s been over thirty years ago. WHOA!!
I didn’t make it to our reunion this past year but I’ll try to go to the next one. According to Tom, they had a great time!
I’m sitting out on my porch now and the rain comes and goes. It smells good. Supper’s in the oven and I don’t have to work (much) tonight.
Other than a few worries that I have … life is grand.
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Dealing with it All
I just got off the phone with my mom and my sister.
Mama’s not doing well at all and it’s no wonder. She’s 84-years-old, driving my brother to Little Rock and back every day (she did that for a week straight), most days, staying all day there and doing it the next day and the next and the next. She’s humped over with osteoperosis and has a bad hip. Since she’s been dealing with all of this with Fred again, she’s worried herself into a state to where she’s nervous and jittery … and that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
Fred is about two weeks away from his stem cell transplant and it’ll get worse from here on out. We don’t know what the outcome will be and there’s always the underlying fear that it won’t help and he’ll get worse. My worst fears my be realized sooner than expected. I hope that’s not the case.
There is no easy answer. There really isn’t an answer at all. He has three daughters who, I hope, will step in and help out. They all live out-of-state but hopefully they’ll be able to find a way to be there for him … and their grandmother. Missy helps a lot but there’s only so much she can do. And, of course, Mama feels like she should be there every step of the way with it all. That’s a mother’s heart … wanting to help her child through a devistating crisis. But she’s 84-YEARS-OLD!!!! For God’s sake!!!!
I wish I could be there all the time. I wish there were more that I could do other than just talk on the phone to them. What help is that?? She says don’t worry. Missy says, don’t worry. Things will be taken care of … but it’s hard. Especially being so far away and feeling as helpless as a newborn baby.
I’m planning a trip there in June to help in any way that I can. Even if it’s just a fresh face to look at to hopefully take Mama’s mind off of all the doom and gloom that she’s lived with for the past few years. I also hope that I can be of some kind of help to Fred. By then, his stem cell transplant will be over and I just don’t know what to expect after that.
What I WANT to do is call those girls and say, “HEY!! Your dad needs you back home. Figure out a way to MAKE THAT HAPPEN!!!! I told my sister this evening that I’d like to call them and tell them just that. I don’t mind being the “bitch”. But Mama told me I needed to stay out of it. STAY OUT OF IT???!!!! The last time I checked I was still in this family and I care DEEPLY about what’s going on.
It’s just a mess. There are no answers. Only prayers and if God can work miracles, and I believe that He can, please send one to my brother. I’m pretty sure that the cancer will take him eventually. But, I ask that all of this turmoil be resolved and get him through this as stress free and as peaceful as possible.
I am at a loss.
